ABOVE: Now that we’ve been kicked to the curb, here’s a collage of embarrassing LeBron pictures, in the time-honored tradition of any one who’s ever been rejected. Take that, LeBron! Who’s humiliated now, huh? Or not.

All right, I know it’s been a while since I posted. Not since Thursday, in fact.

… Look, I was coping with the pain, okay? I know I’m not the only one who feels as if she’s been dumped by her favorite boyfriend.

But LeBromageddon is not over. This blog was created to deal with the maniacal madness of this particular era in Cleveland, and the gravy train of insanity has yet to derail. To make up for my absence from blogging, I’d like to list for you my top 10 favorite crazy things that have unraveled in just 5 days.

10. Chris Bosh slips up and says they’ve been talking about joining up in Miami for “months.” Wait, he means days. Days, dang it! Like a girlfriend who’s been ignoring the blatant signs of her boyfriend’s unfaithfulness for, well, months, we react with overblown shock and dismay.

9. The Witness poster in downtown Cleveland gets torn down in record, ceremonial time. People clapped when the last piece—his head!—dropped into a bucket.

Slices of it are already on eBay. And yeah, I got a piece. Jealous?! … I fully acknowledge how pathetic it is that this is what I have left to brag about.

I think there might be bird poop on it. How fitting.

8. Mo Williams goes through the seven stages of grief before our eyes, but in tweet form. My favorite part? When newspapers reprinted his tweets, but only with massive grammatical and spelling overhauls. I’m not sure that’s journalistically ethical, but whatever.

AP Stylebook be damned!

7. Fathead of LeBron goes on sale for $17.41. The year Benedict Arnold was born. Why? Because the Cavs owner owns Fathead, and he’s a bit of a nerd. Also, a hothead who does things like #2 on this list.

Oh, and a new nickname emerges: LeBronadict Arnold. We Clevelanders are at our absolute best when scorned.

Which means we get a lot of practice.

(C’mon, we have to poke fun at ourselves, guys, or we’re never going to pull through this.)

6. People started burning stuff. Jerseys, tennis shoes, fatheads. Millions of tiny LeBonfires. I personally want no part in burning anything in effigy of a black man, but, hey. You people do your thing over there, and I will be waaaaaaay over here.

Pretending I don’t know you.

5. LeBron reportedly gets booed and hissed at ‘Melo’s wedding while giving a reception speech. It appears the wedding took place just a little too close to New York City. See, Cleveland isn’t the only spurned city around.

4. Michael Jordan finally weighs in on “Kobe vs. LeBron” argument. And it’s not LeBron. In other news, Clevelanders finally admit validity to Kobe argument.

Hear that? That’s the sound of hell freezing over.

Otherwise known as Detroit.

… Sorry.

When I’m hurting, I resort to sucker-punching the only city that has it worse than we do.

3. Cavs owner Dan Gilbert types a mean letter to LeBron, but he does it in Comic Sans. Comic Sans? Really? Not stuffy Times New Roman, nor generic Helvetica. No, the man chooses Comic Sans. He’s dropping word bombs like “cowardly” and “narcissistic,” but he’s doing it in a font favored by tween girls writing worshipfully about “R-Pattz” and “K-Stew.”

zOMG!

2. ESPN Radio’s Greg Brinda smashes a bobblehead on-air after what can only be described as an epic tirade in defense of another epic tirade. If nothing else, the past week established that Cleveland has ranting down to a formula.

1. Jesse Jackson accuses Gilbert of behaving like an angry “slave master.” C’mon. You knew this was coming. Don’t even pretend to be surprised.

Update: I think this ties with #1. Now it appears that our ex-boyfriend LeBron has taken our best friend with him, too; Zydrunas Ilgauskas, every one’s favorite Lithuanian Cavs player, has announced he’s following LBJ’s ever-growing parade to the Heat. For years, the ability to pronounce this man’s name was the best way to tell a Cavs fan apart from any other kind of fan.

Now Heat fans will have to learn how to pronounce it. Yep. All five of them.

Hard to blame Z, after we shuffled him back and forth like a bad penny. Or should I say, a bad lats? But the joke’s on him … won’t he be ticked when he finds out they don’t serve pączki or blynai in Miami?!

(Just think how much more you know about Lithuania after reading this culturally-informed blog.)

Your list of insane LeBromageddon events may be slightly different than mine, though. What am I missing? Feel free to weigh in!