In just a few hours, millions will tune in to watch the closing curtain for LeBromageddon: an hour-long special titled (okay, somewhat pompously) “The Decision.”

It’s one part brilliant marketing move, one part disastrous media circus. A fitting finale to the mania of the past 8 days.

Optimistic Cavs fans have already orchestrated watch parties in hopes they will turn into celebrations of LeBron’s return. Harry Buffalo in Cleveland and Lakewood, Champps in Westlake, and Around the Corner in Lakewood are just some of the bars and restaurants hosting these LeBron-a-thons.

Those who predict he will leave Cleveland liken it to taking out a full-page ad featuring a middle finger to the town that raised him. The phrase “driving a stake into the heart of Cleveland” may have been tossed around more than once!

Others who think too much of LeBron’s character—even in light of his recent tour d’amour-propre—say the hometown hero could not possibly subject his fans to an hour-long good bye. Those in this camp predict it’s a sure sign LeBron will save the day for Cleveland in heroic fashion.

Meanwhile, commentators are lapping it up, calling it “good for the NBA” as it keeps basketball in the conversation long after the season and the draft ended (baseball? What baseball?).

It promises to be an epic ending to a grim fairy tale complete with a King, a kingdom haunted by ridicule and financial ruin, and his worshipful subjects—an entire population of socioeconomically depressed people in breathless apprehension. The question this segment will finally answer: will the king surrender his land and move to greener pastures? Or will he stay with his doting devotees and try to finish the fight … knowing it might mean he goes down with them, too?

That being said, he could also lead us to victory. So what do all the pieces of this puzzle indicate, possibly?

The Location

Greenwich, Connecticut is the location of Carmelo Anthony’s wedding, where LeBron is in the wedding party. If LeBron is making a decision in Connecticut, when he’s just miles from New York City, he isn’t about to join the Knicks. Plus, have you heard owner James Dolan’s jab at LeBron? “It takes courage to play where the lights shine brightest.” Yeah, dude is angry.

The Timing

LeBron is supposedly announcing his decision within the first few minutes of the program’s start. Are the remaining 50 minutes going to be a weepy, farewell ode to Cleveland’s generosity? Unlikely, given the format that’s being reported, which we’ll get to in a minute.

Some sportscasters are saying that additional 50 minutes seems classless, even invoking rhetoric like “twisting the knife.” But if we’re looking for answers and explanations from The King, a 50-minute segment might be in order.

It does seems strangely merciful that he’s not drawing it out until the very end—which in turn gives some small hope to anxious Cleveland, because surely his publicity team would know that the minute LeBron says he’s gone, all the TVs in Akron and Cleveland turn off. We’ll see whether that hope is sustained.

Format

First ESPN will profile the lucky finalists in the LeBron sweepstakes, then the cameras will cut live to LeBron, who will announce “The Decision.” Then the remaining 50 minutes are reportedly to be filled with different reporters posing questions to LeBron about said decision.

It’s these details about the last portion of the program that indicate there will be no lengthy homage to Cleveland and Akron, as it will be the reporters’ questions that steer the conversation, rather than LeBron’s talking points.

Some folks (most notably Orlando Magic’s head coach Stan Van Gundy) insist they won’t watch LeBron’s ego parade tonight. But like it or not, tonight will become part of sports history. And we have a chance to be part of its making, no matter what the outcome.

So gather your closest friends at the nearest bar or hunker down at home with some comfort food. Because no matter which venue you choose for watching it, you’ll always remember where you were when LeBromageddon happened.