Update: Apparently the video has been removed! Perhaps due to the delayed realization of its embarrassing nature? If you can find another version of it somewhere, feel free to post it below. But I won’t hold my breath!
Original Post:
See if you can make it through all of this video. I couldn’t. Well, I listened to it, but I could only watch through my interlaced fingers, which is very similar to the way I watch the gory parts of horror movies.
Frankly, the video reminded me of a pathetic, last-ditch effort by a needy girlfriend, pleading nasally with her boyfriend not to leave her. By the end of it, I was almost rooting for LeBron to dump us. That’s probably a bad sign.
Truly, the only thing missing from this morose, musical montage was a pitiful-looking puppy dog with “Precious Moment” eyes wearing a #23 dog jersey. It could have been a eulogy. Maybe it is! Maybe it’s Cleveland’s eulogy.
Although I’m impressed that they managed to get all of these Cleveland luminaries in one place. Okay, so, “Cleveland luminaries” in this case primarily consists of radio personalities no one has ever seen before, which means even a native Clevelander spent most of this video scratching his head in bewilderment.
Still, I did like the part where they offered to rename every major street after LeBron. There’s some authenticity lent to that claim, because Gov. Ted Strickland was in one of the shots right before that!
And the fact that they just showed Senator Sherrod Brown lip-syncing; I’m guessing his adorably gravelly “teddy bear” speaking voice didn’t translate well to song?
Lyrics (if you can bear to read them):
There comes a time, when a decision must be made
Will the King, move on or will he stay?
We’re helplessly waiting, as we hold our breath in fear.
Should we renew, our tickets for next year?
Please stay LeBron,
We really need you
No bigger market’s gonna love you half as much as we do
It’s a choice you’re making, will you go or will you stay?
What will we do with that big sign, if you move away?
Just tell us King, what changes we must make,
We’ll rename every street ‘LeBron’ if that’s what it takes!
New York’s overcrowded,
Those people are unbearable,
And don’t forget, the Knicks and Nets are terrible!
Please stay LeBron,
We really need you,
No bigger market’s gonna love you half as much as we do…
