First of all, I know it’s kind of irrelevant, but I need to express my disbelief that LeMomGate is still going strong.

If you’ve been hiding in your fan bunker since Thursday’s game (perfectly understandable), rumor has it LeBron played so poorly last week because Delonte West was romancing his mom. Yeah. Because that seems logically sound. I’ll probably devote an entire other post just to this insanity.

(Then again, Delonte was gallivanting around Maryland on his motorcycle last fall with a giant gun in a guitar case strapped to his back, so I guess I see why people are falling for this farce.)

But thanks to former basketball legend Calvin Murphy, this heretical hearsay just won’t die the way it’s supposed to. In a radio interview, Murphy says not only is it 100% true—but Delonte’s not the first guy to fertilize the flower bed of Gloria James. Of course, it’s worth mentioning that Murphy is no stranger to unsavory rumormongers.

Then there’s Buzz Bissinger (there’s a name) from The New York Times, who says LeBron needs to get the heck out of Cleveland because Cavs fans are like big softy parents who won’t spank his rump when he’s bad. Basically, we’re too nice to him because we think he’s a god, so we aren’t pushing him to his full potential. Thanks for weighing in, Dr. Spock.

Obviously Mr. Bissinger has not been reading the Cavaliers fan message boards, post-Boston Massacre. Heh.

You may have also heard that the guy who runs my country hinted he’d like to see LeBron in a Bulls jersey. This isn’t the Olympics, Obama. You’re our president and all, but, honestly? No one asked you.

… Well, maybe The Chicago Tribune asked you, but as we established previously, they think LeBron is coming to Chi-town because their restaurants are neat.

Oh, and Mayor Bloomberg even suggested renaming The Bronx “LeBronx.” Isn’t that just adorable?

This is just the start, of course. More Rumor Roundups pending.

P.S. Sometimes I really hate you, New York.