We’re on the threshold of the day that Clevelanders have long awaited (with much gnashing of teeth). Would-be spectators of next week’s game are shelling out some considerable cash to be in attendance on Dec. 2, the day that LeBron James waltzes back onto the court over which he once reigned.

There’s been a lot of talk about restrictions on the wearing of any anti-LeBron gear at the game, but Dan Gilbert says that’s bunk. Who to believe?!

(What, oh, what would we do without the Cavs owner’s Twitter account?)

… I’m going to go with Gilbert, seeing as ESPN has proven itself both hopelessly sensationalist and impossibly biased when it comes to coverage of our fair land of Cleve. (And if you agree, you should most definitely sign this petition.)

If things go south (… Beach!) next week, we can reflect fondly on the fact that in 1991, the Cavaliers handed the Heat one of the worst sports blowouts in history—148 to 80. And while it doesn’t seem likely that we’ll be watching another blowout, we’ve got plenty of reasons to hope that it will be a good game. The Heat have been anything but the team that some enthusiasts were (way too optimistically) predicting would win 70 games this year. In fact, the Three Kings are 1-6 against teams with a winning record, and is now further hobbled by injuries to their best shooter Mike Miller and best rebounder Udonis Haslem.

Also hobbled by Chris Bosh’s deep, abiding need to chill and LeBron’s bemoaning the glaring absence of “fun” on the court.

But we’ll talk more about what’s hurting the Heat and helping the Cavs in a more in-depth preview post, soon.

In other LeBron-related news, the King revealed his new logo this week, and (big surprise) it’s a crown! Don’t expect this motif to disappear any time soon.

(Photo credit goes to reporter Darren Rovell for picking up on this, first.)

Also, Lakers coach Phil Jackson spawned a short-lived war of words between himself and Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy when he intimated that the Heat’s mediocre record has left its coach Erik Spoelstra on the hot seat, much as Van Gundy was a few seasons ago before he resigned from the same position.

Meanwhile, it’s finally sunk in just what a poor excuse for a sports town Miami really is, driving the Heat’s PR branch into a frenzied fit of damage control—they’ve resorted to what can only be described as blatant bribery to get its tanned, toned populace in their seats. On time, please! Here’s a cheaper hot dog for your troubles! Cheer together, boys and girls!

And, oh—if you were fooled into believing that Michael Jordan actually put out that scathing video mash-up mocking LeBron’s Nike commercial, I’m sorry to burst your bubble.  Still, the mash-up is amusing and definitely worth a click.

And if you didn’t hear about it, apparently there’s a grassroots effort to keep LeBron and his sidekick (we mean Bosh, not the long-suffering Savannah!) out of the running for a position on the All-Star game’s Eastern Conference team. It’s entitled, appropriately, “Keep LeBron Out.” 

Yeah, good luck with that one. But anti-LeBronners can dream like no other. Speaking of, the satirical @LeBronJamesEgo Twitter account should be in particularly good form this week, so let’s all look forward to that.