ABOVE: Yeah, so much for this. This coronation party came a smidge too soon.

The Celtics Shut Down the Heat

The NBA season started off with a bang, and, as expected, the media swarm took over Boston last night at TD Garden. All in anticipation of the Heat hoopla.

Then the original Big Three took on the the new Three Kings, and everything became so much less glamorous and glittery for LeBron, D-Wade and Bosh. This became clear early on when the Heat only scored 9 points in the first quarter, coming to only 30 in the entire first half.

This was a more abysmal showing from the Heat than anything we saw in all of last season, when their roster had a blatantly less impressive list of players.

But one loss by the Heat to last year’s East Conference champs proves nothing, of course. So before all of Cleveland collectively and prematurely dances on Miami’s grave, we should note that many of the problems are fixable. The weak defense, the poor spacing, the lack of cohesion … all issues that can be ironed out as these guys play more together.

In all honesty, I’ve seen LeBron play better, but I’ve also seen him play just about this well, too. With 18 seconds left on the clock, watching LeBron take contested three-pointers smacks strongly of deja vu.

Still, it has to sting to see some pronouncements like “Cavaliers Part II” from various sports media. I think I accurately read LeBron’s mind when I say that his worst nightmare would have to be ending up exactly where he was in Cleveland—with a supporting cast only mildly better, except now Bosh is playing the role of J. J. Hickson and D-Wade is playing some version of Mo Williams.

But Rome wasn’t built in a day, Bron Bron admonishes us. And Wade’s hamstring injury has certainly thrown off their “chi,” basically turning the Heat into a one-man show featuring guess-who. (Yeah, this doesn’t feel familiar at all.)

And the least happy Heat fans have to be the owners of this Miami bar. Although their marketing idea really is a win-win scenario for the rest of the fan base.

Bottom line is, these Kings won’t be ruling over opponents’ courts any time soon (ha, ha), which is some small comfort to resentful Clevelanders who tuned in last night.

Hey! Maybe it was just that hex the witch on WMMS put on him. I’ll try not to take up space here ranting about how it seems nearly impossible these people still have their jobs.

Cavs Season Launches Today

As they have been doing for some time already, sports pundits nationwide are predicting nothing but tragedy for the Cavaliers this season. You’ve got Sports Illustrated saying they’ll be the second worst in the Eastern Conference, Yahoo Sports’ Kelly Dwyer (now infamously) saying their best hope is 12 wins this year, and so on. Only the Plain Dealer’s Tony Grossi has the audacity to suggest they’ll pull off more wins than losses.

But as I’ve suggested previously, the tanking scenario seems improbable, if not exactly impossible. Byron Scott is out to prove himself, and he’ll fight to show everyone that he was the right man for this job (I bet soon enough people will even be chanting, “In Byron We Trust,” and I’ll admit I’m still not over the fact that he did 70 free throws in a row a month ago). 

So really, it’s up to Cavs management to think “big picture.” This will probably mean trading away some of our last remaining good players, in which case, then we will tank. Organically and naturally. I know, I know … this is a painful idea for Cleveland fans to accept, but we’ve got to take this medicine if we’re ever going to get better. And by “get better” I mean set ourselves up with better draft options.

Oh, and hey. Today is the Cavs opener game. As for whom we’re playing, look! It’s the Celtics again! Poetic. Maybe taking on the Miami media darlings will have tired them out, giving the Cavaliers a chance to start their season off by beating the team that ruined everything for them last year.

Or maybe not. With solid players but no superstars, the Cavs will be hard-pressed to best the Celtics, who boast three of the latter type and plenty of the former.

Still, it should be a showing with plenty of heart and some real fundamental basketball, i.e., more passing and more opportunities for supporting players to shine, without LeBron filling up the court.

And then there’s always the Team Gilbert party before and after at The Clevelander on Huron, just a couple of blocks from the Q. Yes, Team Gilbert. That exists.

By the way, if you want a copy of the old-school Cavs Zine and see the article written by yours truly about our worst case scenario this year, come to the Q and look for the tired-looking blonde outfitted with a video camera and a tripod. Take a copy home with you. Share with a friend. All of that.

And before we forget, we must mention LeBron’s exquisitely scripted and filmed video aimed at the empathetic hearts of basketball-loving Americans, complete with a pink donut, a bulldozer, and a recitation of Maya Angelou’s “Still I Rise.” Give this thing an Emmy. If nothing else, it underscores once again that Nike’s marketing team is filled to the brim with geniuses, particularly when it comes to damage control. And we should all be so relieved to know that Charles Barkley was not offended by it, either, although he still says it was a waste of money. Not sure if Barkley is an authority on wise monetary decisions, but, whatever.

Happy Cavs Day, Cleveland!