If you’re a politician, don’t you dare fall on the wrong side of the LeBron issue. That’s the very definition of political suicide in this state.

Republican gubernatorial candidate John Kasich’s heart was probably in the right place when he told Alan Colmes of FOX News that he was more concerned with the loss of jobs in Ohio than with LeBron’s impending decision. But then he went on to say, “I’m not singing any chorus for LeBron James.”

He may as well have just punted a puppy.

By the way, he was talking about the chorus of Cleveland bigwigs in this video.

Honestly, refusing to participate was probably a good call, given the national mockery that the video enjoyed. But you don’t say it out loud, for heaven’s sake. That just makes you look like the Scrooge of Sports.

Of course, Kasich’s comments had Ohio Dems attacking him in numbers that would put to shame the endless celebrity brigade that New York has sent after LeBron.

They even made a parody site naming Kasich the “founder and president” of a mythical group called “Ohioans Against LeBron.”

Fortunately, Kasich was quickly upstaged by his campaign manager, who said this about Ohio’s current governor, Ted Strickland: “Having grown up in a chicken shack on Duck Run, he has all but ignored our cities’ economies and their workers.”

My theory: campaign spokesman Rob Nichols foresaw the political mess his boss had just stepped in, and took swift action by proceeding to say something even more offensive to a (mostly provincial) Ohio.

Pretty ingenious, right?

Needless to say, lambasting LeBron and taunting an opponent for his impoverished rural beginnings are not the best recipe for political success in Ohio.

Sorry for the headline. I just had to squeeze one last opportunity to fool around with the fun that is Tom Izzo’s name.

Goodbizzo, Tom Izzo. We’ll mizzo talking about yizzo.

… Okay, I’m done now, swear.

Thanks to one Cavs fan who happens to be a professor of psychology, we now have a nifty evaluation that proves conclusively what we already suspected: Cleveland is borderline obsessive about LeBron.

I love pretty much everything about this. Particularly the part where they derisively question LeBron’s love-making skills!

Also, it introduces a question that begs discussing: how much would you pay to eat sushi off of LBJ’s abs? Not “if.” How much.

So New York continues to amass its glittery army of worshipful celebrities with one target in sight: one LeBron Raymone James. I’m sure no one is shocked by this, as it really isn’t news.

And you know what else isn’t news? This gem from Donald Trump:

“I am in many different cities, but I can tell you, LeBron, there is only one New York.”

Today Yahoo Sports had the blogosphere in an uproar when they broke the news that …

Wait. Let’s pause and meditate on that for a second. Yahoo can still break news! Take that, Google!

Back to my point. Today Yahoo Sports broke the news that Danny Ferry has resigned as general manager of the Cleveland Cavaliers after five seasons.

If you read the headlines of the newspapers summarizing LeBron’s first media interview since the Boston Massacre, you’d think Cleveland had this in the bank.

“LeBron Makes Cavaliers Front-Runners to Re-sign Him!”

“LeBron Says Cavaliers Have ‘Edge’ in Signing Him!”

“James Says Cavaliers Lead His Suitors!”

(Side note: New York Times, I love you, but you would be the publication to make LeBron sound like Sleeping Beauty, wouldn’t you?)

But it’s not exactly as ringing an endorsement as some of the headlines would lead you to believe. Here’s the excerpt from the Larry King live interview that’s formed the entire basis for all these headlines, care of NY Daily News:

“Do you lean at all toward the place you know the best? I mean do they have an edge going in?” King asked.

“Absolutely,” James said. “Because, you know, this city, these fans, I mean, have given me a lot in these seven years. And, you know, for me, it’s comfortable. So I’ve got a lot of memories here. And - and so it does have an edge.”

“It’s comfortable?”

“Comfortable” is your old, baggy sweatshirt you wear while watching a football game at home. “Comfortable” is what you call your job when it no longer challenges you. “Comfortable” is that girl next door who you might like dating, if only because you don’t need to worry about burping in front of her.

He’s calling Cleveland his security blanket. So to summarize, we are as comfortable and safe as any Plan B could be. Doesn’t that just make you want to jump up and down? … Me, neither.

Media hype is fun.

Right now, the relationship between LeBron James and Cleveland is very much like that of an indecisive, attractive “big man on campus” and his anxiously accommodating, would-be girlfriend. She’s fairly cute and he knows that she would be unquestionably loyal to him, but there are some other gorgeous specimens out there vying for his attention.

So, he strings her along, never letting her in on where he’s leaning, until he can decide who will offer him the best possible deal.

But what happens if he doesn’t pick the anxious girl? Will she go completely psychotic, slash his tires, and act like a full-blown lunatic every time she sees him?

For years, Akron’s solitary claim to fame was being the “Rubber Capital of the World.” And the founding of the Professional Bowlers Association! Oh, and let’s not forget “the Crossroads of the Deaf.”

Don’t ask.

But for the past 11 years, Akron has gone by another name: the birthplace of LeBron. That beats being the birthplace of the tire industry, any day.

Above: Three pieces of a threatening threesome? … Wait, that came out wrong.

Opening day of LeBron-hunting season approaches! Which means the world of sports news is constantly whirling into a veritable hurricane of hearsay.

It’s chaos, guys. For realzies.